It is indeed Friday the 13th. Normally I'm not a superstitious person, but I have to admit, things seem to go wrong with a bit more frequency in our household on Friday the 13ths. (Also, is it just me, or are there a LOT of Friday the 13ths? Like, more than Thursday 13ths, or Wednesday 13ths? I think someone should check, just in case it's disproportionate, then share out those 13ths a bit more evenly.)
Today was a very typical example of how a Friday 13th went out of its way to humiliate me and make me look a colossal prat earlier.
I was strolling to Tesco with D happily cooing in his pram, when suddenly, out of nowhere, I was accosted by this hideously large and loud wasp-type thing, which proceeded to hurtle into my earhole, buzz very shrilly, bat around my lobe and get caught in my hair, and send me into a complete panic. Not only did I start leaping around and flapping my hands around frantically in that utterly silly way that only insects seem to be able to make us humans do, but I also then proceeded to tread on my own foot in my terror, which sent me into an alarming nose dive into the hedge next to me.
And then of course, you can imagine the sheer mauveness of my blush, when I emerge from the hedge, complete with bits of twig sticking crazily from my hair and mud all over my knees, to see a group of about five people, all staring at me as if I was completely and utterly insane. Which I suppose, to the onlooker who hadn't realised I was panicking over a wasp, must have been a reasonable assumption. After all, they did just witness a grown woman suddenly start hitting herself in the face and then jump into a hedge, for no discernable reason at all.
To make matters worse, I then got the giggles, and started tittering away to myself, thinking they would surely join in, realising that I had fallen in the hedge by accident, and was showing good humour about it all. But no, they just continued to stare, obviously thinking me even more insane for chortling like a mentalist.
Very embarrassing. This town must be getting a dreadful impression of me. This is, after all, the woman who frequently goes out without any protection in the rain, then mutters swearwords under her breath when she gets wet, again, another slightly bonkers thing to do. This is the woman whose trousers fell down - yes, actually fell down, right to my knees, exposing my buttocks fully, wearing none other than my horrible 'cheeky monkey' pants (oh the shame...) to a large crowd in Waitrose. Oh dear. And now they've seen me jump into a hedge. Hmm.
D is probably mortified by his mother. Poor lad. He endures it well though. He gets this stoic expression every time I do something silly, as if to say 'yes, here she goes again, don't worry, I'm used to it.'
He has been in a fairly awful mood today, I think due to the protruberance of his two front teeth. He is dribbling like a fiend, and gnashing his chops round every item he can get his little mitts on, including my wallet, a photo frame, and my nose. (that one hurt.)
He is exhibiting rather Henry IIIV-like qualities at meal times as well. He sits imperiously in his highchair, like a little lord, nose turned up in distaste as I, his minion, attempt to please him with various foods. Today's lunchtime offering, mince with butternut squash sauce and cream cheese, was met with nothing short of outrage. The spoon got confiscated from my grip and hurled vengefully against the door of the microwave, then the bowl got batted viciously to the ground. The look that D fixed upon me said it all. Those eyes, full of rage, glaring at me as though to say 'you DARE to try to feed me with this...this...FILTH?' If he could talk, I feel fairly sure he would either be swearing at me, or ordering my head to be chopped off for insulting him thus.
It doesn't help when you are attempting to prepare delicious meals in a space about as big as a cupboard, with utensils, cutlery, various random ornaments and furniture all piled up around you, with only one microwave and a single hob. And no way of washing up til the evening.
However, the house is starting to pay dividends. The bathroom floor is down and oh I say, it does look simply scrumptious! (flapping of hands in excitement) Pretty pretty tiles! The tiles are going up on the wall as well, oh I am sooooo excited. Plus we will have an upstairs toilet again and sink as well, ah bliss. The sink is in in the kitchen, as are most of the units, and the lights go in next week. As do the bi fold doors! Can't wait!!
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