And so the suburban mama is born...

That just about brings us up to date. We moved into The Project (I still think of it as that, rather than 'home', I am sure this will change soon enough, maybe in the next few decades) and I began my existence as the suburban mama in earnest.

But what, I hear you ask, is a suburban mama? What exactly does it involve, to become this strange, somewhat ambiguous persona? You're probably not asking that at all, but I will tell you anyway.

In my opinion, a suburban mama wears a pinny in the kitchen (a pinny, note, not an apron. Suburban mamas wear pinnies. Big old Cath Kitson floral pinnies). She plans her meals out for the week in advance (on her iphone you hear!). She spends time considering enriching activities for her precious offspring and worries considerably about raising them right and stretching them intellectually. She luxuriates in baths and indulges in facial peels and exfoliating lotions.

Ha ha, only joking! No, the REAL suburban mama (or at least in this household) tries to do about fifteen hundred things at once. (painting the dining room whilst cooking D's lunch, whilst on the phone to sister. Beat that.) Planning meals, yes. Perfecting them? Er...no. Burning them? Definitely. Poor D, he already pulls a long suffering expression when he sees a bowl of food coming towards him. Luxuriating in the bath? What a joke. Seizing the odd ten minutes after I've been in the bath being copiously splashed by D, perhaps. As for the facial peels, actually yes. But only because I found one on Ebay for two quid. See, the real suburban mama shops for a bargain.

And the purpose of this blog? To share my experiences adjusting to this role. To snigger at myself when I make yet another enormous elephantine blunder. (Yesterdays classic was my jeans actually falling down past my thighs in Waitrose, oh the shame! And today's? Foolishly allowing D to hold a two metre long piece of dowelling in Focus, which he then managed to bang someone on the head with in the queue. Whoops.)

Stay tuned, we start in earnest tomorrow. I apologise in advance for the utter twaddle that is about to be unleashed upon the world...